HOW BIZARRE COULD THE LYRICS GET?

 

 Few days back when me and my dad decided to beat the scorching heat by grabbing a scoop of yummilicious ice cream and for that we had to travel few miles to get my favorite mint choco flavor. On the way I decided to turn on the radio to pump up my mood but some of the songs played on the radio would go beyond the imagination of normal homo sapiens. Never have I ever heard such freakish, absurd and idiosyncratic lyrics ever before which makes me wonder, have our lyricists been kidnapped or eaten up by zombies?

Sometimes I feel we have become so insensitive to the art of music that we listen to any commercialized piece of remix that does not make any sense. The more absurd the lyrics sound, the more they sell in the market. Gone are the days when music touched our hearts with those beautiful beats, meaningful lyrics and lovely messages, now music would not mean anything but only a two or three minute of soundbox torcher whose only aim is to top the billboard. So I decided to bring out some of the most absurd song lyrics in Bollywood that would cross all the levels of insanity.

FEVICOL SE

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We all remember our childhood days when we used to put fevicol on our palms and tried to peel it off when it got dry. That was fun, wasn’t it? I wonder the lyricist was doing the same when he wrote the song. Let’s not try stealing the credit of the song which became popular also due to the sizzling Kareena Kapoor and her even more sizzling moves in the movie Dabaang two which starred Salman Khan and Sonakshi Sinha.

The song gets even more insane when she says ‘Main toh tandoori murgi hoon yaar Gatkaale sayiaan yaar alcohol se’. Hold on lady! She has become sun tanned or she is dying to have some yummy grilled chicken, other than that i cannot find any other reason as to why would such a beautiful lady call herself tandoori murgi. Oh wait! That’s not it, she goes on to compare herself with namkeen butter, siren and many more absurd things. Apart from this the song also has some vulgur lyrics like ‘Angdaaiyan leti hoon mein jab zor zor se Ooh aah ki awaaz hai aati road se’. Well I don’t need to say much about this one but this song according to me is one of the most absurd songs in Bollywood but still remains to top the party anthem charts.

HAFTE MEIN CHAR SHANIVAR HONE CHAHIYE

Alright! Now this dude seriously sounds mathematically weak. Maybe they took char shanivars to shoot the song or the lyricist took char shanivars to write the song and they probably got so worked up that they included all shanivars(Saturdays) in one week. Sorry guy for such a lame explanation but I am just trying to come up with an explanation for adding extra days to the week.

“Jab ye gana bajega to automatically hi tu dance karega

Kaan ke neeche de dunga

Jo kabhi faltu bakwaas karega

Jisne party nahi karni

They can go to hell”

Woah! That sounds like an angry young man forcing us to dance on the dance floor and those who don’t dance basically can go to hell. Somebody please tell this guy that he needs to get his lyrics straight if he wants us to dance.

ABCDEFGHIJKL…

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“Abcdefghi jklm nopkrstuvwx yz, i luv u

Chhutiyo ke yeh din hain suhane, sathee teraa yuh sath rahe

Bachchon ke sang bachche phir ban jaye”

They had to go through the entire set of letters to say I love you to each other. Imagine if the preschool kids were thought ABCD with the same song. Our lyricist probably was a highly motivated person to do something good for the society and so he thought of providing basic education to the illiterate class through the common platform of media and films. Such a noble man! Dare if you try to mock him, our film industry needs people with such noble causes so that education is spread to the masses. The next song in his mind should be 123456789….. I love you.

JAB TAK RAHEGA SOMOSHE MEIN AALU

“jab tak rahega samoshe mein aalu tera rahaunga o meri shalu

chatni bin fika lage samosha chatni aayegi karle bharosha

chatni bin fika lage samosha chatni aayegi karle bharosha

mai teri idli hu tu mera dosa ho jayega garma garam ek bosa”

This song makes you go hungry if not anything else. Who does not like food especially when it comes to stuffed hot yummy samosas. I am sure samosas have not only made their mark in India but are also a favourite among many foreigners who come to India. But this song tries to highlight the variety of food available in India and I bet every foreign tourist visiting India should listen to this song once. I wonder how the aloo stuffing would ensure how long he would stay with her and she in return assures him that she is his idli…wait a minute! I think the entire crew of the film including the lyricist was starving for food for many days. After talking about this song now I need to go and grab myself a bite of hot samosa with imli chutney.

     DREAMUM WAKEPUM

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Dreamum Wakeupum Critical Conditionum

Earthum Quakepum Hil Dool Sab Shake Upum

Face To Faceum Dharti Putram

Top To Baseum Kama Sutram

Thighsum Thunderum Downum Underum

Well south Indians have always been a victim to such Bollywood movies. I might offend many by saying this but most of the Bollywood movies treat the south Indian culture and language as a joke in such movies. Now this song crossed the heights of insanity by adding an ‘um’ to every word of the song. Did the director or the lyricist seriously think this was going to make the song sound South Indian? Whereas on one hand the song does not make any sense to me at all, Bollywood seriously needs to do its homework on South Indian culture.

GANDI BAAT

ABCD padhli bohot

Thandi aahein bhar li bohot

Acchi baatein kar li bohot

Ab karunga tere saath

Gandi baat…

Are we proud as citizens of this country to have party anthems like these? If the lyricist wanted he could have come up with a more decent substitute for the word ‘Gandi’.  First the boy starts by telling us the long wait that he was subjected to and now he is tired of waiting. In the meanwhile he kept himself busy with abcd counting and acchi baatien. (Clearly the guy seems to be less educated and jobless) no wonder the girl made him wait for so long. After that all throughout the song he keeps on repeating gandi baat, gaandi baat till it drills deep inside our brain.

SAREE KE FALL SE

Saree ke fall sa kabhi match kiya re

Kabhi chhod diya dil kabhi catch kiya re

Cut karke cut karke

Seene se dil cut karke

Kahaan chaldi bach karke

Kudos to the lyricist who has tried to redefine science and technology. Not only does the song talk about matching dresses with each other but also talks about the functioning of heart. Maybe the girl was a heart surgeon and the boy would have been a heart patient whose heart was been cut out but I wonder how would the doctor and the patient match the color of their dress. But I can bet this song was made under a very critical condition.

                                                                                 TOOH

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English mein kende booty-shooty

Punjabi vich Tooh!

Tooh-tooh tooh-tooh tooh…

The lyricist did not have to work hard on this song yet he gave us an amazing party anthem. You cannot stop shaking your booty when you listen to this song after all this song is all about our booty(in Punjabi known as tooh). There are hardly any extra words added in the song but this booty song reminds us that sometimes pumping music can substitute for bad lyrics.

                                                                         PO PO PO

Tu hai mind blowing maal aaja nach le
O soni nach le o soni nach le mere naal ve
O soni nach le o soni nach le mere naal ve
Po po popopo, po po popopo…

The songwriter must have been stuck in the traffic while writing this song. Not only the song but also the choreographer ran out of any good moves for the song. The part were the actors roll their cheeks from left to right to do the po po step reminds us of our kindergarden days when we did that with water in our mouth. Grow up guys! you are way past kindergarden now.

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